what day is it and did you see me today?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
