I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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