I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
