did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
