woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
