its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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