Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
