i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
