OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
