it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
