So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
