is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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