so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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