is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
