did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
