you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
