I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
