Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
