Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I looked at my own cervix.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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