I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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