I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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