Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
