you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
