she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
