question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
