Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
did you just send me my own nude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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