took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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