Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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