Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
