if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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