i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
