my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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