We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
