my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
