A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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