mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
