Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
