I look better un-naked...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
