and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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