So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
