I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
