I heard we made out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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