you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
