Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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