Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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