it hurts more in the daytime
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
