proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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