you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
