If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
