I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
